Dementors

[elucreh.livejournal.com]

Short character POV pre-HBP release


What do you fear?


I fear the death of them all, except Fudge. Even the death of Voldemort I fear, in case it costs me too much. Even the death of Pettigrew, who I hate with a venomous, personal hatred that is nothing like my half-pitying fascination with He Who Must Not Be Named. Even the death of Bellatrix, for whom I want nothing less than that she should have her womb pulled out of her and slit open, in retribution for what she has done to one of mine when he was only a child...for what if it should cost me that child? What if one of my dearest sons is hurt in her undoing?

I fear that I will lose Ron and his strength and humour and warmth. I fear that Hermione's curiosity and matter-of-factness and determination will be silenced or changed by her suffering. I fear that Neville's newfound bravery and old, old dearness will be challenged too far. I fear that all of the other redheads--all of us, from Arthur down through Ginny--are only cannon fodder in the end, that our deaths will come and mean nothing. I fear that Severus will be caught, that he will sacrifice himself, that he is playing two games too well and his loyalty is to his other master. I fear that Remus will be completely broken by his latest loss, that he will lose himself in venom for Pettigrew and die for his revenge.

I fear that Dumbledore has told us all too little, too late; I fear he is still holding back. I fear he will leave us alone and without guidance; I fear that he will always be there, leading us and leaving us in the dark. I fear that he has told us all he knows, for it is not enough; I fear that he will tell us all, and we will not know what to do with it.

I fear that Harry is too young, that he cannot achieve the victory we need so badly. I fear that he is too old, that even when he has made the world safe he will be a broken man, too hurt and too hardened to live as he should. I fear that he will fall in love, and break her heart or his own; I fear that he will never find it. I fear--oh, God--I fear that when You Know Who is defeated, he will take Harry with him, my son, my dark-haired little lad who has already done so much and seen more than any man should have to in all his life.

My name is Molly Weasley. I am afraid.


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