lu_fics | Boywrangling: Days Zack Doesn't Know What to Do (Reply)

There are days Zack doesn't know what the hell to do.

God knows it isn't his place. Zack's paid to get them places on time, spend time in public spaces it isn't safe for them to explore, make them eat vegetables occasionally (Mrs. Urie has unexpected influence over Zack's contract), and scare off the girls who want to, like, have their babies.

The problem being, of course, that he's only supposed to scare off the ones whose children they don’t want to father.

Of course it's Wentz who first finds the pictures of naked Spencer on the internet, and of fucking course he calls Zack to deal with it.

This is not in Zack's contract.

On the other hand, fuck if Zack wants him to find out any other way. Especially from Wentz directly, because Wentz's reaction to this is bizarre in the extreme. Zack is already plotting ways to bribe Trohman to distract Wentz from contacting Spencer for at least two weeks. (All right, weed will probably be involved, but if it ain't broke…)

Sighing, Zack knocks on Spencer's door. He can hear Spence and Hayley inside, having some ridiculous giggly fight. He can hear the springs that are creaking--hopefully because it's a pillow fight. Hopefully.

Worst coitus interruptus ever, god, please let it be a pillow fight.

"C'mon in!" Spencer yells, and when Zack opens the door there are tiny feather fragments in the air. Totally a pillow fight. Thank fuck.

On the other hand, both of them are flushed and grinning and not really turning to look at the door at all, so maybe this is their idea of foreplay.

Oh, god, urgh, uck, reversereversereverse. Zack presses a hand to his forehead for a second, trying to wipe out the mental images.

"Spence," he says carefully, letting his hand drop. "Can I talk to you for a minute?"

Spencer finally looks at him properly. "Yeah, sure," he says. "Hales, can you—"

"I'll go make Ryan give my lip gloss back," she says, pecking Spencer on the lips and winking at Zack as she heads out the door.

"What's up?" Spencer asks, sitting back on his heels and blowing his ridiculous bangs out of his eyes. He looks up expectantly.

Zack sits down heavily on the bed. "Uh, Spence—" and suddenly he has no idea what to say next.

Spencer frowns. "You're being kind of weird," he says slowly, eying Zack through his hair.

"I—yeah. Something's…kinda happened."

Spencer freezes. He freezes and his knuckles on the pillow start slowly turning white as his grip tightens, as he sucks in a couple of deep breaths. "Is it my family?" he asks, low, and Zack realizes what that probably sounded like.

"Oh, no--god no, Spencer, fuck, I'm sorry. Everybody's fine, really, I swear."

All the air rushes out of Spencer's lungs so fast he coughs a little, and Zack pats his back for a second.

Spencer waves him off. "What is it, then?"

"I—" Zack stops again, and Spencer gives him an impatient look.

"Look, man, this is really, really awkward, okay, but there's kind of. Pictures. On the internet."

"What, like Pete's dick?" Spencer asks, frowning.

"They're not that bad," Zack says hastily. "They're not, but there is a certain…implication of nudity."

Spencer's eyes pop wide open. "Has somebody been photographing Ryan naked?" he demands. "Because I'll yell at him, but I am not breaking the news—"

Zack shakes his head. "Uh, no. It's—it's not Ryan, Spencer. It's…it's you."

Hayley picks that extremely inopportune moment to walk in, waving a little jar of lip gloss like a prize.

"I best-of-three'd him armwrestling," she announces happily. "I won the first two rounds, the wuss. Can you believe…" she trails off, realizing they're both staring at her. "…what?"

"I'm gonna—" Zack says, standing up hastily and gesturing towards the door. Spencer nods once, short and unhappy.

As the door swings shut behind him, Zack can hear low voices sharpening defensively. Shit.

They don't split up over it, and Zack is never sure how happy he ought to be about that. He likes Hayley, though.