Lu Hallulat (![[identity profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/openid.png)
elucreh.livejournal.com) wrote in ![[community profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/community.png)
lu_fics2010-05-02 11:00 pm
elucreh.livejournal.com) wrote in lu_fics2010-05-02 11:00 pm
Email Ficcish: Ashlee Simpson, Girl Romance Detective
So apparently when I am procrastinating I suddenly remember and finish ancient bits of domestic fluffery. ![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
harriet_vane's fault, AS ALWAYS.
harriet_vane: http://twitter.com/petewentz/statuses/8302818080
elucreh: OH MY GOD, PETE, I LOVE HOW MARRIED YOUR DOUBLE DATE COMPANIONS ARE
harriet_vane : This is clearly the fic where Ashlee thinks they ARE dating and there's a lot of awkward coughing and hemming and hawing when they try to explain that uh... actually no?
(BUT OBVIOUSLY THEY ARE IN LOVE)
LU: Ashlee is very confused, okay? It's possible she gave them a little ornament with a house and "2009" on it for Christmas.
RACHEL: Which they totally loved! ...until the conversation where she told them that they'll get a better tax cut after the wedding, as first-time home owners.
LU: She may have also made a donation in their names to the "No on Prop 8" fund.
RACHEL: Which they totally support! Prop 8 sucks! Some of their gay friends will be thrilled about the donation!
This is why Ashlee is confused.
LU: They're so domestic; Ashlee starts thinking they don't trust her, somehow, which hurts because she really thought she was starting be accepted as part of Decaydance. Brendon and Spencer seem to like her; they tease her about her hair and offer to babysit and remember to get what she likes on the pizza, and in a thousand little ways they show they must trust her a little, because they argue over dog food brands and play with each other's hair in front of her, but they just keep insisting that they're not in love! What is with that?
SHE WANTS TO PROVE SHE CAN BE TRUSTED. IT CAN BE LIKE THAT WEIRDASS HARRY POTTER FIC, WHERE RON WAS UNDERGROUND FOR TWENTY YEARS, AND HE KEEPS TRYING TO SURPRISE HARRY AND HERMIONE SO THEY'LL ADMIT THEY'RE IN LOVE NOW.
She invites them over for hottubbing and lures Pete away for half an hour! Surely, when she comes back, they will be kissing at least! They are very hot when wet and naked, they won't be able to resist each other!
When she comes back, Brendon is playing keepaway with Spencer's shorts, which is progress; he tosses them to her, which is probably two steps back.
She give them a gift certificate to a very romantic, very discreet restaurant and "coincidentally" shows up with Pete the same night.
Far from playing footsie, Brendon is eating with the noodles dangling out of his mouth and Spencer is trying to convince him they need a drum solo on the song about Pixie Stix.
RACHEL: Ashlee, it is definitely time for you to step up your game.
Book them a honeymoon suite, steal their clothes, lock the door.
LU: She books the room with a glass door straight onto the beach--it costs an arm and a leg, whatever--and then possibly she lurks on the beach. In sunglasses. Ignoring the fact that she is more recognisable in sunglasses than with naked eyes.
Pete brings her smoothies in the bushes.
It's the raspberry-kiwi smoothie--her fourth--when he says, "Sweetheart...I appreciate you want them to be happy, but if it was going to happen, it would have happened by now."
"I already know it happened a long time ago, Pete," she says impatiently. "I'm proud of you for actually keeping a secret for once, but I know. I just want them to know I know, because then they'll know they can--"
He pulls on the end of her braid to shut her up. He can't help it; he thinks it's adorable how much she wants to be part of his family. Besides, it's not like he can stop her. "Want me to take a shift?" he asks. "You can go pee. Walk around a little."
She frowns consideringly. "You'll text me if they make a move while I'm peeing?"
"I will totally text you," he promises. "Give Mommy kisses, Bronx, she's gonna go pee while we stalk Uncle Spencer and Uncle Brendon for her."
They come in from their day at the beach and dinner in a crappy, sandy little cafe--with surprisingly good sweet potato fries, Ashlee notices, hiding behind her menu and observing the way Spencer gets Brendon's attention by laying a hand on his wrist, the way Brendon offers him a bite of cake on his own fork--and settle into the little open living area behind the glass door, fighting--she can tell, she's seen them--over what to watch on T.V.
Brendon snatches the remote away and Spencer pounces on him, and they fall off the sofa, below, out of sight, almost, except for glimpses of Brendon's flowery arm flailing and then finally two hands outstretched, with one long-fingered hand wrapped around both wrists, pinky just brushing one piano key, and this is it, she thinks, they must be--and she slides the door open quietly, pops her sunglasses on top of her head, and strolls casually but noiselessly over to the sofa, like she just decided to drop by and assumed they wouldn't mind.
Spencer's sitting on Brendon's back, one hand pinning Brendon's wrists to the floor. Top Chef is on the television, and the hand not holding Brendon down is lifting a handful of popcorn to his mouth in an ostentatiously at-ease way.
He looks up in surprise. "Hey, Ash! Didn't hear you come in. Want to watch with me?"
Brendon sort of grunts something that might be a greeting, and Spencer bounces, driving the wind out of him. "The sofa is being extra rebellious this evening," he explains. "It tried to watch the Simpsons when it knows that Top Chef is new on Sundays."
Ashlee gives up for the moment and plops down beside him. It's Restaurant Wars week anyway.
And then finally they're playing like, drunken Truth or Dare at the Wentz's place one night, and Ashlee keeps like, daring them to kiss each other (which they do with no self-consciousness and a lot of laughter) and finally she gets Spencer to say "truth" and asks how long the two of them have been together, and Spencer's all ASHLEE WE HAVE BEEN OVER THIS. And suddenly Ashlee is very tired and hurt and she doesn't want to play anymore.
"Fine," she says. "That's just...fine. I just--" and she gestures with her wineglass and almost drops it, so she sets it down with a thunk on the coffee table and stands up, wobbling a little. "I'm going to bed, I really--I'm done."
And Spencer likes Ashlee, he does, and he doesn't want her to be hurt, and he's had quite a bit of wine, and he steps in front of her and says, "Ashlee, wait."
And she does, looking up at him through big unmascaraed eyes. The room narrows down to just the two of them.
"We're not together, Ash," he says quietly, and her eyes well up. "But I'll give you a freebie," he says, barely whispering. "Ask me something else. Ask me--ask me how long I've been in love with him."
Somewhere behind him are two soft inhalations, but they seem faraway and unimportant just now, in the face of Ashlee's tears. Ashlee draws in a shaky breath. "Okay," she says softly. "How long have you been in love with Brendon, Spencer?"
"So long I can't even remember," he says, simply. "So long the only thing stopping me is the part where he doesn't feel the same way," and that's somehow unbearably sad to Ashlee, who has Pete, and who can't imagine having a life with him and not having him. She reaches out to touch Spencer's face, smooth a long painted fingernail down his cheek.
"Thank you for telling me," she says solemnly, blinking up at him, owl-eyed. "I promise I won't tell."
"I know," Spencer says. "You're family, Ash. We keep each other's secrets." And he sweeps her into a big bear hug.
"Ah-HEM," Brendon says behind him, and Spencer spins around. He'd totally forgotten Brendon was there.
Pete comes over and takes her hand. "This is our cue, hon," he says quietly, and Ashlee nods and lets him lead her up the stairs. She looks back over her shoulder, though, and she can see Brendon in Spencer's arms, turning his face up for a kiss.
harriet_vane's fault, AS ALWAYS.harriet_vane: http://twitter.com/petewentz/statuses/8302818080elucreh: OH MY GOD, PETE, I LOVE HOW MARRIED YOUR DOUBLE DATE COMPANIONS AREharriet_vane : This is clearly the fic where Ashlee thinks they ARE dating and there's a lot of awkward coughing and hemming and hawing when they try to explain that uh... actually no?(BUT OBVIOUSLY THEY ARE IN LOVE)
LU: Ashlee is very confused, okay? It's possible she gave them a little ornament with a house and "2009" on it for Christmas.
RACHEL: Which they totally loved! ...until the conversation where she told them that they'll get a better tax cut after the wedding, as first-time home owners.
LU: She may have also made a donation in their names to the "No on Prop 8" fund.
RACHEL: Which they totally support! Prop 8 sucks! Some of their gay friends will be thrilled about the donation!
This is why Ashlee is confused.
LU: They're so domestic; Ashlee starts thinking they don't trust her, somehow, which hurts because she really thought she was starting be accepted as part of Decaydance. Brendon and Spencer seem to like her; they tease her about her hair and offer to babysit and remember to get what she likes on the pizza, and in a thousand little ways they show they must trust her a little, because they argue over dog food brands and play with each other's hair in front of her, but they just keep insisting that they're not in love! What is with that?
SHE WANTS TO PROVE SHE CAN BE TRUSTED. IT CAN BE LIKE THAT WEIRDASS HARRY POTTER FIC, WHERE RON WAS UNDERGROUND FOR TWENTY YEARS, AND HE KEEPS TRYING TO SURPRISE HARRY AND HERMIONE SO THEY'LL ADMIT THEY'RE IN LOVE NOW.
She invites them over for hottubbing and lures Pete away for half an hour! Surely, when she comes back, they will be kissing at least! They are very hot when wet and naked, they won't be able to resist each other!
When she comes back, Brendon is playing keepaway with Spencer's shorts, which is progress; he tosses them to her, which is probably two steps back.
She give them a gift certificate to a very romantic, very discreet restaurant and "coincidentally" shows up with Pete the same night.
Far from playing footsie, Brendon is eating with the noodles dangling out of his mouth and Spencer is trying to convince him they need a drum solo on the song about Pixie Stix.
RACHEL: Ashlee, it is definitely time for you to step up your game.
Book them a honeymoon suite, steal their clothes, lock the door.
LU: She books the room with a glass door straight onto the beach--it costs an arm and a leg, whatever--and then possibly she lurks on the beach. In sunglasses. Ignoring the fact that she is more recognisable in sunglasses than with naked eyes.
Pete brings her smoothies in the bushes.
It's the raspberry-kiwi smoothie--her fourth--when he says, "Sweetheart...I appreciate you want them to be happy, but if it was going to happen, it would have happened by now."
"I already know it happened a long time ago, Pete," she says impatiently. "I'm proud of you for actually keeping a secret for once, but I know. I just want them to know I know, because then they'll know they can--"
He pulls on the end of her braid to shut her up. He can't help it; he thinks it's adorable how much she wants to be part of his family. Besides, it's not like he can stop her. "Want me to take a shift?" he asks. "You can go pee. Walk around a little."
She frowns consideringly. "You'll text me if they make a move while I'm peeing?"
"I will totally text you," he promises. "Give Mommy kisses, Bronx, she's gonna go pee while we stalk Uncle Spencer and Uncle Brendon for her."
They come in from their day at the beach and dinner in a crappy, sandy little cafe--with surprisingly good sweet potato fries, Ashlee notices, hiding behind her menu and observing the way Spencer gets Brendon's attention by laying a hand on his wrist, the way Brendon offers him a bite of cake on his own fork--and settle into the little open living area behind the glass door, fighting--she can tell, she's seen them--over what to watch on T.V.
Brendon snatches the remote away and Spencer pounces on him, and they fall off the sofa, below, out of sight, almost, except for glimpses of Brendon's flowery arm flailing and then finally two hands outstretched, with one long-fingered hand wrapped around both wrists, pinky just brushing one piano key, and this is it, she thinks, they must be--and she slides the door open quietly, pops her sunglasses on top of her head, and strolls casually but noiselessly over to the sofa, like she just decided to drop by and assumed they wouldn't mind.
Spencer's sitting on Brendon's back, one hand pinning Brendon's wrists to the floor. Top Chef is on the television, and the hand not holding Brendon down is lifting a handful of popcorn to his mouth in an ostentatiously at-ease way.
He looks up in surprise. "Hey, Ash! Didn't hear you come in. Want to watch with me?"
Brendon sort of grunts something that might be a greeting, and Spencer bounces, driving the wind out of him. "The sofa is being extra rebellious this evening," he explains. "It tried to watch the Simpsons when it knows that Top Chef is new on Sundays."
Ashlee gives up for the moment and plops down beside him. It's Restaurant Wars week anyway.
And then finally they're playing like, drunken Truth or Dare at the Wentz's place one night, and Ashlee keeps like, daring them to kiss each other (which they do with no self-consciousness and a lot of laughter) and finally she gets Spencer to say "truth" and asks how long the two of them have been together, and Spencer's all ASHLEE WE HAVE BEEN OVER THIS. And suddenly Ashlee is very tired and hurt and she doesn't want to play anymore.
"Fine," she says. "That's just...fine. I just--" and she gestures with her wineglass and almost drops it, so she sets it down with a thunk on the coffee table and stands up, wobbling a little. "I'm going to bed, I really--I'm done."
And Spencer likes Ashlee, he does, and he doesn't want her to be hurt, and he's had quite a bit of wine, and he steps in front of her and says, "Ashlee, wait."
And she does, looking up at him through big unmascaraed eyes. The room narrows down to just the two of them.
"We're not together, Ash," he says quietly, and her eyes well up. "But I'll give you a freebie," he says, barely whispering. "Ask me something else. Ask me--ask me how long I've been in love with him."
Somewhere behind him are two soft inhalations, but they seem faraway and unimportant just now, in the face of Ashlee's tears. Ashlee draws in a shaky breath. "Okay," she says softly. "How long have you been in love with Brendon, Spencer?"
"So long I can't even remember," he says, simply. "So long the only thing stopping me is the part where he doesn't feel the same way," and that's somehow unbearably sad to Ashlee, who has Pete, and who can't imagine having a life with him and not having him. She reaches out to touch Spencer's face, smooth a long painted fingernail down his cheek.
"Thank you for telling me," she says solemnly, blinking up at him, owl-eyed. "I promise I won't tell."
"I know," Spencer says. "You're family, Ash. We keep each other's secrets." And he sweeps her into a big bear hug.
"Ah-HEM," Brendon says behind him, and Spencer spins around. He'd totally forgotten Brendon was there.
Pete comes over and takes her hand. "This is our cue, hon," he says quietly, and Ashlee nods and lets him lead her up the stairs. She looks back over her shoulder, though, and she can see Brendon in Spencer's arms, turning his face up for a kiss.
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this is so adorable.
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<3
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sweetest thing ever
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This is one of my favorite lines in a not-fic, ever! *______*
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